December 12, 2019December 11, 2019 monicarose

An Open Letter to my Dominic on our 6-Year Anniversary

Life

Dear Dom,

Happy 6 Year Anniversary my man!  Part of me can’t believe it’s been that long already because time does go by fast, but part of me knows it’s been that long because of how much life has happened and how much we’ve both grown.  

During our sixth year life put us through some really difficult times, but I’m so proud that life’s adversities never turned into a problem with us.  I am so grateful for your unwavering love and support, especially this year, so here’s an open letter to you my sweet man. 

For several months after I lost my Holly right in the middle of studying for STEP1, I was depressed and anxious and definitely not my usual self.  It felt like an eternity to me that I was stuck in such a dark place, and I know it must have felt like a long time for you to not have your partner fully present.  Thank you for holding me while I cried myself to sleep every night. Thank you for understanding that even though it might not have been the best for my mental health, I still had to keep to myself and study for 12 hours a day for the first few weeks after Holly left this life.  Thank you for allowing me to grieve at my own pace, and for gently reminding me that eventually I needed to get back to prioritizing my mental and physical health more.

Thank you for being my rock, for being my solid ground when it felt like my whole world had crumbled around me. 

When I decided that even though I’m busy and starting the clinical years of medical school, I needed to be a “dog mom” to be my full self, thank you for being instantly ready to be a “dog dad” with me. Our Luna is so amazing. I love that she came into our lives as a light in dark times, like a bright full moon. (I know I’m so cheesy but you know me and my obsession with the moon and “signs” and all that.) 

You and your family also faced hard times this year, 2019 was really rude.  When your little brother was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, I know you worried and wished you could have been closer to your family more often.  I can only imagine how you felt, and I’m glad I could be here to support you and comfort you. Thank you for leaning on me and communicating with me, even about such difficult emotions.  Your strength and your calm mind inspire me. I’m so so happy that we can end 2019 knowing your brother is now cancer-free!!! His beautiful energy is a perfect reminder that life and time together with loved ones is truly such a precious gift. 

Thank you for loving every version of me.

I tell you “thank you for dealing with me”…for dealing with me being so stressed and tired from third year of med school, for dealing with me doubting myself and having anxiety about the future and about my ability to succeed, for dealing with the fact that 85%+ of my time each day is taken up by rotations and studying, for dealing with our lack of quality time together… and your response is always “I don’t deal with you, I love you”, and you really don’t know how much that means to me babe.  Thank you for loving me, every version of me, even the terrified exhausted zombie third year med student version.  Thank you for grounding me when I’m thinking way too many steps ahead by saying things like “it’s supposed to be hard, but it’s what you’ve always worked for and you’ve got this.” Thank you for always having faith in me and being ready to reassure me, especially when I don’t have faith in myself and when my anxiety makes me question everything. 

You are my one Dom, and I don’t take a single second of your love and support for granted.  I love the life we’ve built together so far, and I can’t wait to keep building and enjoying every step of the journey.  Happy anniversary my man, I love you so much.